Teaching the World to Be a Better Friend: Why We Need Each Other Now More Than Ever

By Alyssa Parker, editor

When I look around me, I see this disconnection in the way people treat each other. It's heartbreaking. Communicating isn't the same as it once was, and we struggle to find the reason why. We find something to blame, like phones being a distraction, but we never bother to ask why we needed to be distracted in the first place.

I see the disconnect in how we've grown cold toward each other. We speak our truths without considering how they land, assuming our words carry the same meaning to others as they do to us. We believe our perspective is the only correct one. Someone sets a boundary because they're breaking inside, and we call them "controlling." Someone shows vulnerability by sharing their hurt, and we dismiss them as "too sensitive." Someone withdraws to preserve their sanity, and we label them "antisocial" without ever asking what drove them to seek solitude.

I've felt this pattern cut through my own relationships, leaving confusion and disappointment in its wake. I've certainly made my share of mistakes. But I've also stood on the receiving end of others' misinterpretations, watching as they twisted my intentions into something unrecognizable. Through these painful exchanges, I've learned that when emotional demands become too overwhelming, most people simply walk away. They retreat to safer territory rather than navigating the difficult terrain of misunderstanding. In a world where emotional capacity seems increasingly limited—where we're all carrying too much already—how can I truly blame them?

Yet it is precisely during these fragile moments that courage matters most—the courage to remain present and caring when every instinct screams at you to retreat. The courage to say, "I don't understand, but I'm still here." The courage to offer one rose when your garden feels barren.

If you're struggling with these disconnections, know that resources exist to help. The GTCC Center for Academic Engagement, Counseling Services and Student Success Centers all provide support right on campus. Beyond campus, resources like Insight Timer for meditation, 7 Cups for emotional support and organizations for neurodivergent individuals can provide additional assistance. Sometimes, the simple act of journaling or reaching out to a trusted friend can make all the difference.

To truly understand why we disconnect from each other, we need to understand how trauma reshapes our responses to the world. Most people recognize obvious signs of emotional distress—tears, withdrawn silence, angry outbursts. But few understand the physical reality of what happens when someone becomes dysregulated. This isn't just feeling upset; it's a full-body neurological event where your system floods with stress chemicals, triggering primal survival responses that override rational thought.

When someone enters this state of dysregulation, their heart races wildly, breathing becomes shallow, muscles tense for fight or flight and thinking narrows to tunnel vision. The capacity for nuanced communication evaporates. The ability to see other perspectives vanishes. This isn't a choice or character flaw—it's the ancient survival machinery of your brain taking control when it perceives a threat, even if that threat is just criticism or conflict.

What's truly devastating is how often we push people to this breaking point and then blame them for breaking. We witness someone's dysregulation—their desperate attempt to protect themselves—and call it an overreaction or manipulation, never considering our role in creating the conditions for their distress. We focus on their response rather than the repeated boundary violations that preceded it.

Each person carries different thresholds for stress based on past experiences, nervous system sensitivity and current resources. Some people can weather intense conflict with relative ease, while others become dysregulated from subtle shifts in tone or facial expression. Neither response is wrong—they simply reflect different nervous system configurations. With therapy, practice, and supportive relationships, we can gradually expand our capacity for stressful situations. But like physical training, it requires patience and consistent effort.

When we understand this neurobiological reality, boundaries take on new meaning. They aren't weapons deployed to control others but necessary shields protecting vulnerable nervous systems. When someone establishes boundaries around their time, energy, or interactions, they're trying to create conditions where connection remains possible without triggering dysregulation. What might look like restriction from the outside is actually preservation from within—an attempt to sustain relationship rather than abandon it.

I've lived this painful reality—setting necessary boundaries only to have them twisted into accusations of control and manipulation. In those moments, I wasn't trying to dominate anyone; I was desperately trying to create enough structure to function when my nervous system was already overwhelmed. I needed certain conditions to remain present rather than shutting down completely. Instead of receiving understanding, I became reduced to harsh judgments, my personhood diminished by others' misinterpretations.

I like to think of our capacity for care as a bundle of roses we each carry—our ability to offer attention, compassion, and energy to others. Some seasons find our gardens flourishing with abundant blooms, while other times leave us with just a few precious flowers to share. The roses aren't infinite. We can only give away so many before we must return to our gardens to nurture new growth. This replenishment requires sunlight, water, and time—or in human terms: rest, meaningful support, and patience.

What's often misunderstood is how simple our needs can be when we're struggling. Others assume we're asking for grand gestures, for multiple roses when just one would sustain us. A text message checking in. A moment of genuine listening without immediately offering solutions. A simple acknowledgment: "I see your struggle, and I'm still here." These single blooms carry enormous power when offered with sincerity, nourishing us through dark times without depleting the giver.

I've seen the light return to someone's eyes when I managed to show up despite my own difficulties. There's something profound about pushing through your anxiety, exhaustion, or pain because someone else needs you. This is my quiet rebellion against isolation: refusing to let my kindness diminish despite everything that makes it difficult. My kindness can coexist with anger and frustration—it's passionate rather than perfect. It remains one element I can control when everything else feels chaotic.

Each small act of showing up creates ripples beyond what we can see. Cooking a meal for someone facing illness. Offering a ride when transportation is challenging. Sending a thoughtful message acknowledging someone's struggle. These aren't grand gestures, but they form the fabric of meaningful connection, demonstrating that we value others enough to inconvenience ourselves for their benefit—the essence of genuine community.

In a world where personal comfort is increasingly prioritized over collective wellbeing, these choices become revolutionary. They remind us that beneath our differences and despite our wounds, we remain fundamentally interconnected. Like trees in a forest communicating through vast mycelium networks underground, humans are linked through complex social and neurological systems that operate beyond our immediate awareness.

This isn't spiritual metaphor—it's biological reality. Our brains are literally wired for connection. Research shows that social pain activates the same brain regions as physical pain. Studies consistently demonstrate that meaningful relationships correlate with longer lives, stronger immune function, and better mental health. Our very survival depends on these connections.

Our culture has normalized disconnection to such an extent that we rarely question it. We push people to breaking points, then condemn them for breaking. We focus on their reaction while conveniently ignoring what provoked it. This pattern serves no one.

Being a better friend isn't always easy, but it's always worthwhile. The small acts of showing up, listening without judgment, respecting boundaries, and offering genuine care create ripples that extend far beyond individual relationships. These choices build the resilient communities we all need to thrive.

Color returns one genuine connection at a time—until eventually, we rediscover the vibrant world that was waiting beneath the gray all along. And perhaps that's the most important lesson: the world never actually lost its color. We simply forgot how to see it through the fog of disconnection.

Mental Health & Connection Resources

On-Campus Resources at GTCC

Center for Academic Engagement

Location: Science Hall, Room 207

Services: Academic support, peer mentoring, study groups

Hours: Monday-Thursday 8am-7pm, Friday 8 a.m.-5 p.m.

Contact: 336-334-4822, ext. 50324

How They Help: The CAE provides a space where students can connect with peers and staff for academic support in a welcoming environment that fosters community.

Counseling Services

Location: Medlin Campus Center, Room 202

Services: Free confidential counseling for enrolled students

Hours: Monday-Friday 8 a.m.-5 p.m. (appointments recommended)

Contact: 336-334-4822, ext. 50038

How They Help: Professional counselors provide support for anxiety, depression, stress, relationship issues, and other mental health concerns.

Student Success Centers

Locations: Multiple campuses

Services: Academic coaching, career guidance, resource navigation

Hours: Vary by campus

Contact: Main office: 336-334-4822, ext. 50389

How They Help: Success coaches help students navigate challenges that might be affecting their wellbeing, including financial concerns, academic struggles, and social difficulties.

Free Online Resources

For Emotional Support

7 Cups (www.7cups.com): Free emotional support through trained listeners

Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741): 24/7 crisis support via text

Peer2Peer (peer2peer.wixsite.com/website): Online support communities facilitated by trained peers

For Meditation & Mindfulness

Insight Timer (insighttimer.com): Free app with guided meditations specifically for anxiety and trauma responses

Healthy Minds Program (tryhealthyminds.org): Science-based mental wellness app, completely free

UCLA Mindful (www.uclahealth.org/marc/mindful-meditations): Free guided meditations from the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center

For Neurodivergent Individuals

AANE.org: Resources for autistic and neurodivergent individuals

ADDitude Magazine (additudemag.com): Free resources for ADHD management

Neurodiversity Hub (www.neurodiversityhub.org): Support for neurodivergent students and professionals

Self-Care Practices

Grounding Techniques

5-4-3-2-1 Exercise: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste

Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts Body Scan: Progressively relax each part of your body from toes to head

Journaling Prompts

What brought me joy today, no matter how small?

What's one boundary I need to set or maintain?

If my feelings could speak, what would they say?

What does my nervous system need right now?

Who makes me feel safe and why?

Communication Tools

"I" Statements: Express feelings without blame using "I feel..." rather than "You make me..."- Nonviolent Communication: Observe without judgment, express feelings, identify needs, make requests

Active Listening: Focus completely on the speaker, reflect back what you hear, ask clarifying questions

Nervous System Regulation

For Immediate Calm (Activating the Parasympathetic System)

Cold water on face or hands

Humming or singing (activates the vagus nerve)

Slow exhales longer than inhales- Gentle movement or stretching

Hand on heart, hand on belly breathing

Daily Practices for Resilience

Regular time in nature

Consistent sleep schedule

Limiting news and social media consumption

Regular physical movement

Creative expression without judgment

Books That Help

Understanding Connection

Wired for Connection by Brené Brown

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski

For Better Relationships

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

How to Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera

For Neurodivergent Individuals

Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

Thriving with Adult ADHD by Phil Boissiere

Community Connection Opportunities

GTCC Student Groups-

Student Government Association

Arts & Culture Club

Diversity Discussion Circle

Wellness Warriors

Local Community Resources

Community Gardens (various locations)

Public Library Events

Volunteer Opportunities (www.volunteermatch.org)

Free Community Wellness Classes

This resource guide was compiled to support your mental health journey. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don't have to navigate difficult times alone.